![]() ![]() My blood work came back with a testosterone level of 83. Unfortunately, this "joke" came close to killing me. Now some may feel the need to snigger because it's become a steady presence on every television, radio and magazine for a number of years. I simply accepted it.Įxcept that wasn't the problem. It was explained that chemo and radiation treatments often leave individuals much less active than they had been prior. I was lucky to put in 4 hours at work and then slept the next four just to recuperate. Even before depression, I had zero energy. My doctors had been so focused on treating me for depression, that they failed to look for physiological reasons for it. One thing that was so dire and so in need of correction, it was amazing that this had not been discovered before. So when both blood tests came back, the panels from my doctor and those taken from the ER, one thing stood out. For those keeping score at home, this was a couple of months ago. I arrived the next morning to fill that requirement, and that evening I collapsed on the floor at home, I was transported to the Emergency room for treatment of arrhythmia. ![]() We talked for 45 minutes and at the end, he ordered a head to toe physical exam and a number of blood panels that would almost necessitate the hiring of new personnel. I sat in the office of this new doctor, telling him to cancel lunch because this was going to take a while. I felt like a fraud for even thinking that I had done one bit of good for anyone. The most important thing in my life, the project that had fueled my energy and sense of purpose for 12 years….it just seemed like a burden now. Over the next 2 days, I did my best to tell her how I felt, and more importantly, how I didn’t feel. It's taken me a while to make those adjustments but to this day, I still get the urge to ditch the prosthetic and pretend that I am normal, well, at least until I key the mic to speak.īut with Diane, I didn’t know where to begin, basically because I didn’t know when to begin. I began ripping the damned thing out of my throat and just leaving the raw hole covered by an bandanna. I was under the impression that things like this were accepted, even common in our not-so-polite society. The monstrosity that made both kids and adults stare muvh longer than what could be considered slightly impolite. This freak show chunk of plastic that jutted from my throat. Another thing that wore on me deeply.wore on me when I didn't even realize it. So many things had arrived at a central point of focus at the same time. I simply didn’t know what to say, where to start. It’s not that I didn’t want to talk to Diane. ![]()
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